Damn, I Think I Broke The Toilet Again….

The bad thing about the human body is having to regularly expel waste. We’ve been designed wrong, that’s just a fact, clear as day. And don’t anyone give me that crap about the human eye being fantastic and blah blah because it’s not. It’s crap. We’re lucky we can see anything at all.

PizzaBut waste products, yeah, so inside each and every one of us is a drainage system that pushes and squeezes and cajoles and squirts out materials God Himself doesn’t even want to know about. Sometimes though, the drains get blocked, and it’s not just a few leaves in the roof gutters that can be scraped out by your kid as punishment when they’ve done bad (unless you’re a really horribly abusive parent who makes their children give them enemas), it’s a whole mess of problems. If the teenager down at your local Snappy’s Pizza takes a shit and doesn’t wash his hands, then hand tosses raw meats and vegetables onto YOUR pizza like edible Ebola granades, then you’re likely going to have an arguement with your toilet a few hours later. And there will be no clear winner.

Other times, you’ll not even have the enjoyment of the pizza before your downstairs Hellmouth opens up and all of the world comes screaming out of your ass like that bus from Speed.
“It’s stress!” people will shout in your face, “it’s GOT TO BE STRESS!”, which suddenly becomes a massive and, yes, rather stressful, worry – do you have a sudden medical condition that you’ll have to write on every single job application for the rest of your life? Will you have to buy 9-pack toilet rolls instead of the usual 4-pack, just to avoid any ‘situations’?

Have you ever tried to unblock a toilet that was all liquid? No, neither have I. But my time will come. I can feel it.

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